The exceptional bro code

Bro Code:

Article 1: Bro's before Ho's

Article 2: A Bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are doing it

Article 3: If a Bro gets a dog, it must be at least as tall as his knee when full-grown

Article 4: A Bro never divulges the of the Bro Code to a woman. It is a scared document not to be shared with chicks for any reason...no not even that reason.

NOTE: If you are a woman reading this, first let me apologise: it was never my intention for this book to contain so much math. Second, I urge you to look at this document for what it is-apeice of fiction meant to entertain a broad audience through the prism of stereotypical gender differences. I mean, sometimes it really is like we're from different planets! Clearly, no real person would actually beleive or adhere to the vulgar rules contained within.* Those boots are adorable, b-t-dub.

*Psst-her guys I put this in really small type at the bottom since we all know men have much better vision than women. Ignore the above-the Bro Code is definitely NOT a peice of fiction. I was simply lying to uphold this very article.

Article 5: whether he cares about sports or not, a Bro cares about sports.

Article 6: A /bro shall not lollygag if he must get naked in front of other Nros in a gym locker room

Article 7: A Bro never admits he can't drve stick. Even after an accident.

Article 8: A Bro never sends a greeting card to another Bro.

Article 9: Should a Bro lose a body part due to an accident or illness, his fellow Bros will not make lame jokes such as "Gimmee three!" or "Wow, quiiting your job like that really took a lot of ball". Its still a high five and that Bro still has a lot of balls...metaphorically speaking of course.

Article 10: A Bro will drop whatever he's doing and rush to help his Bro dump a chick.

Article 11: A Bro may ask his Bro(s) to help him move, but only after first discoling an honest estimate on both time commitment and number of large pieces of furnititure. If the Bro has vastly underestimated either, his Bros retain the right to leave his possessions where they are-in most cases, stuck in a doorway.

Article 12: Bros do no share dessert

Article 13: All Bros shall dub one of their Bros his wingman

Article 14: If a chick inquires about another Bro's sexual history, a Bro shall honor the 'Brode of silence' and play dumb. Better to have women think all men are stupid than tell the truth.

Article 15: A Bro never dances with his hands above his head.

Article 16: A Bro should be able, at any time, to recite the following reigning champions: Super Bowl, World Series, and Playmate of the Year

Article 17: A Bro shall be kind and courteous to his co-workers, unless they are beneath him on the Pyramid of Screaming

Article 18: If a Bro spearheads a beer run at a party, he is entitled to any excess monies accrued after canvassing the group

Article 19: A Bro shall not sleep with another Bro's sister. However, a Bro shall not get angry if another Bro says, "Dude, your sisters hot!"

Article 20: A Bro respects his Bros in the m,ilitary because they've selflessly chosen to defend the nation, but mpre to the point, because they can kick his ass sex ways to sunday.

Article 21: A Bro never shares observations about another Bro's smoking-hot girlfriend. Even if the Bro with the hot girlfriend attempts to bait the Bro by saying "she's smoking-hot, huh?" a Bro shall remain silent, because in this situation, he's the only one who should be baiting.

Article 22: There is no law that prohibits a woman from being a Bro.

Article 23 When flipping through TV channals with his Bros, a Bro is not allowed to skip past a program featuring boobs. This includes but is not limited to, exercise shows, womens athletics, and on some occasions surgery programs.

Article 24: When wearing a baseball cap, a Bro may poition the brim at either 12 or 6 o'clock. All other angles are reserved for rappers and the handicapped.

Article 25: A Bro doesnt let another Bro get a tattoo, particularly a tattoo of a girls name.

Article 26: Unless he has children, a Bro shall not wear his cell phone on a belt clip.

Article 27: A Bro never removes his shirt in front of other Bros, unless at a resort pool or the beach

Article 28: A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro to the existance of a girl fight

Article 29: If two Bros decide to catch a movie together, they may not attend a screening that begins after 4:40pm. Also despite the cost savings, they shall not split a tub of popcorn, choosing instead to procure individual bags.

Article 30: A Bro doesn't comparison shop.

Article 31: When on the prowl, a Bro hits on the hottest chick first because you just never know

Article 32: A Bro doesnt allow another Bro to get married until hes at least thirty

Article 33 When in a public restroom, a Bro (1) stares straight ahead when using the urinal; (2) makes the obligatory comment, "What is this, a chicks' restroom?" if there are more than two dudes waiting to pee; and (3) attempts to shoot his used paper towel into the trash can like a basketball...rebounding is optional.

Article 34: Bros cannot make eye-contact during a Devil's Threeway.

Article 35: A Bro never rents a chick flick

Article 36 DD: When questioned in the company of women, a Bro always decries fake breasts.

Article 37: A Bro is under no obligation to open a door for anyone. If women insist on having their own professional basketball league, then they can open their own doors. Honestly they're not that heavy

Article 38: Even in a fight to the death a Bro never punches another Bro in the groin. When a Bro gets a chicks number, he waits at least ninety-six hours before calling her.

Article 40: Should a Bro become stricken with engagement, his Bros shall stage an intervention and attempt to heal him. This is more commonly known as "a bachelor party."

Article 41: A Bro never cries (Exceptions- Watching Field of Dreams, ET or a sports legend right (only first time he retires))

Article 42: Upon greeting another Bro, a Bro may engage in a high five, fist bump, or a Bro hug, but never a full embrace.

Article 43: A Bro loves his country, unless that country isn't America.

Article 44: A Bro never applies sunscreen to another Bro

Article 45: A Bro never wears jeans to a strip club

Article 46: If a Bro is seated next to some dude who's stuck in the middle seat on an airplane, he shall yield him all of their shared armrest, unlesss the dude has (a) teken his shoes off, (b) is snoring, (c) makes the Bro get up more than once to use the lavatory, or (d) purchased headphones after they announced the in-flight movie is 27 Dresses. See Article 35.

Article 47: A Bro never wears pink. Not even in Europe

Article 48: A Bro never publicly reveals how many chicks he's banged.

Article 49: When asked, "Do you need some help?" a Bro shall automatically respond, "I gotit," whether or not he's actually got it.

Article 50: If a Bro should accidentally strike another Bro's undercarriage with his arm while walking, both Bros silently agree to continue on as if it never happened.

Article 51: A Bro checks out another Bro's blind date and reports back with a thumbs-up or thumbs-down



Article 52: A Bro doesnt listen to chick music...in front of other Bros. When alone, a Bro may listen to, say, a Sarah McLachlan album or two, but only to gain valuable insights into the female psyches, not because he finds her melodies tragically haunting yet curiously uplifting at the same time.

Article 53: A Bro pretends to understand and enjoy cigars

Article 54: No sex with you Bro's ex